Know Anyone with a RALF?

I’m constantly amazed by people that have can have a conversation with me but hear something totally different from what I am saying. I can spot them pretty quickly now. All I have to do is start talking about a topic that concerns someone other than the person I’m talking to and SNAP! Immediately their face or voice changes.

After careful research, I’ve discovered how they do it. They each own a RALF (Reflective Audio Listening Filter). It’s a device they have installed into their ears that reflects their own words and thoughts back them the instant it senses audio that doesn’t match the content of the wearer’s brain. It’s an amazing technology that is packaged so small, you can’t even see if someone is wearing one. Oh, but I can give you the indicators of a RALF user:

  • If a person asks you a question, but doesn’t let you finish your answer; he’s got a RALF
  • If a person goes glassy-eyed during your conversation until you mention her; she’s got a RALF
  • If a person can always connect a tragic world event mentioned in a conversation to a not-so-tragic event in his life; he’s got a RALF
  • If a person can’t get through a conversation without talking about herself; she’s got a RALF

RALFs can’t be too expensive, I’ve run into dozens of people that own one. RALFs must be really easy to use too, because I know at least two people that can’t work a TV remote, but have fully functional RALFs.

Sorry, you may not be able to have a RALF installed. It causes a severe allergic reaction in people that actually care more about others than themselves.

2 thoughts on “Know Anyone with a RALF?

  1. blind dog

    So this concept is exactly analogous to

    People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
    — Dave Barry, author and columnist (1947- )

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